Jokes

Submitted: Friday, Oct 03, 2003 at 05:11
ThreadID: 120147 Views:2295 Replies:3 FollowUps:0
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> An Australian ventriloquist visiting New Zealand walks
> into a small Village and sees a local sitting on his
> porch patting his dog.
> He figures he'll have a little fun, so he says to the
> Kiwi "Can I talk to your dog?"
> Kiwi: "The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Aussie."
> Ventriloquist: "Hello dog, how's it going mate?"
> Dog: "Doin' all right."
> Kiwi: (look of extreme shock)
> Ventriloquist: "Is this villager your owner?" Pointing
> at the villager)
> Dog: "Yep"
> Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"
> Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me
> great food and takes me to the lake once a week to
> play."
> Kiwi: (look of utter disbelief)
> Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
> Kiwi: "Uh, the horse doesn't talk either.... I think."
> Kiwi: "Hey horse, how's it going?"
> Horse: "Cool"
> Kiwi: (absolutely dumbfounded)
> Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?" (Pointing at the
> Kiwi)
> Horse: "Yep"
> Ventriloquist: How does he treat you?
> Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me
> regularly, brushes me down often and keeps me in the
> barn to protect me from the elements."
> Kiwi: (total look of amazement)
> Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
> Kiwi: (in a panic) "The sheep's a liar! The sheep's a
> liar!!"
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Reply By: Deleted User - Friday, Oct 03, 2003 at 05:13

Friday, Oct 03, 2003 at 05:13
Hmmmm..............you'll keep, Brian, you'll keep....
AnswerID: 559745

Reply By: Turist - Friday, Oct 03, 2003 at 05:14

Friday, Oct 03, 2003 at 05:14
Hey Kiwi, what's the most popular aftershave in Enzed?
"Do It While You Can"
Nobody is getting any younger.

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AnswerID: 559746

Reply By: Noosa Fox - Friday, Oct 03, 2003 at 05:15

Friday, Oct 03, 2003 at 05:15
To put you over the top From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this: What makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer These questions: If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 then: H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98% and, K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96% But, A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100% And, B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T 21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103% and, look how far ass kissing will take you: A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G 1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118% So, one can then conclude with mathematical certainty that while Hardwork and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there but Bull bleep and Ass Kissing will put you over the top!
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