QLD launches new weapon against Winter invasion from Southerners.
Submitted: Monday, Feb 23, 2004 at 23:44
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Dateline: Brisbane 10.00am 23/02/04. QLD launched a new weapon in the fight to halt the southern migration of caravans to our best spots in winter. Fitted to its scanning lens facility is Number Plate Recognition software ... backed up by an extensive Birth Certificate database held in its macrobelly hard drive. It is fitted with a barb to penetrate the thick skinned southerners and is relentless in its pursuit of Southern DNA. Known as the ... Missile Observing Speeding Southerners Interceptor/ Eradicator or M.O.S.S.I.E for short. These mossies even bear the black and white colouring of southern footy teams to lull the victim into a false sense of security. Its injection system is fitted with the latest designer virus which has been named GoBackAy-2004 strain. Within hours the bite-ee is overwhelmed with a feeling of home-sickness and compulsively turns the rig 180 degrees for home. The only cure is to wait it out in temps below 15 degrees with loved ones and familiar surroundings also contributing to symptomatic relief. Only lasts for 180 days ..... Numbers have been concentrated at the border with the greatest concentrations kept for areas in the north of the state. Queenslanders are asked to polish up their number plates and attach a copy of their birth certificate to the roof of the tow vehicle. Dont stand near southerners or their vehicles !!!
Reply By: Motley - Monday, Feb 23, 2004 at 23:46
Monday, Feb 23, 2004 at 23:46
Which reminds me of the great Gary Larson (The far Side) cartoon....
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Reply By: Turist - Monday, Feb 23, 2004 at 23:47
Monday, Feb 23, 2004 at 23:47
Mind they don't start fighting back Anthony.
Victorian White Leghorns armed to the teeth with lethal bowling balls could be a dangerous invader.
Especially if the support regiment is a bunch of cloth capped golfers in plus fours wielding vicious 9 irons.
Turist
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Reply By: Bushtracker42 - Monday, Feb 23, 2004 at 23:48
Monday, Feb 23, 2004 at 23:48
Maybe we were bent in our youth (sane of course now),
but we had lots of mossies near where you waited for the bus. You used to
sometimes let them get stuck into a supply on your arm and then tense up the muscle,
they could not withdraw and wait will they exploded their sacks.
Poetic justice we called it.
----------------------
Gary Harding
TriSys Engineering/III
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Reply By: Bushtracker Buck & Babe - Monday, Feb 23, 2004 at 23:49
Monday, Feb 23, 2004 at 23:49
Well I think you are all weird! Angie 157 long long long days to go
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Reply By: Noosa Fox - Monday, Feb 23, 2004 at 23:50
Monday, Feb 23, 2004 at 23:50
Angie, when I was in Vietnam, it wasn't 157 days to go but 156 and awakey Brian
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Reply By: Turist - Monday, Feb 23, 2004 at 23:51
Monday, Feb 23, 2004 at 23:51
Tony while in Qld a few years back a slightly enebriated Q/Lander in the local pub was stating that NSW was the best State in Australia.
When I asked a dyed in the wool true blue fair dinkum Q/Lander why he would say that he replied "Because it keeps Victoria that much further away"
Apologies to Motley, Paul & Barb and all the other Vic. Boggers.
Turist
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Reply By: Deleted User - Monday, Feb 23, 2004 at 23:52
Monday, Feb 23, 2004 at 23:52
Angie, We are working on a new weapon called sandflies, midges. Macka
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Reply By: Deleted User - Monday, Feb 23, 2004 at 23:53
Monday, Feb 23, 2004 at 23:53
Bob, Hehehe !! I'll be using that one at the next State of Origin ...... and the Vic Boggers know we're only joking ...... ooonnnnnnlllyyyy jokin' !! [smile] Gary, My dad taught me that mozzie trick when I was young. The only difference was he showed us how to get a match stick and make them flip over ..... I cant imagine the look on my girls face if I said " Let a mozzie bite your arm and I'll show you a trick" Amy would probably say "What ! ...and get Ross River Fever ... Yeah Dad !!!" Anthony Explore this Great Land ...Do it Easy ...Tow a
Bushtracker
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Reply By: Deleted User - Monday, Feb 23, 2004 at 23:54
Monday, Feb 23, 2004 at 23:54
We are working on sandflies as the next
weapon.
Macka
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Reply By: Bushtracker Buck & Babe - Monday, Feb 23, 2004 at 23:55
Monday, Feb 23, 2004 at 23:55
I have it on good authority that sandflies, midgies, mossies, crocs, poisonous snakes and spiders, bullants etc were all part of the standard attractions of being in Australia. At least that is what the Brits think. They expect them under almost every bush, round every corner and flying in from over head with death defying speed. They are weird with some of the things they come out with and their imaginisms of what Australia is really like. Ivan and I have a good laugh at least once a day about the perceptions of my staff. Angie
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Reply By: Deleted User - Monday, Feb 23, 2004 at 23:56
Monday, Feb 23, 2004 at 23:56
Angie,
Just don't mention the drop bears. The
Americans love them.
Macka
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Reply By: Turist - Monday, Feb 23, 2004 at 23:57
Monday, Feb 23, 2004 at 23:57
Macka...true story.
SHMBO and self took a trip on the Ghan from Sydney.
Met up with 2 very nice American couples.
They spent many hours staring out the windows until finally asking "How do we look for a Kangaroo burrow"?
Being kind Aussie types we could see that some evil type had been having them on so we let them off the hook.
Trust now established.
So we discussed the subject of drop bears for many hours.
They were dissapointed that there were none in Alice but as they were then flying to Cairns and renting a 4wd for a trip up the Daintree we had to give the appropriate warnings as drop bears are prevalent in that area.
I kindly advised them of the correct precautions, that is, on arrival at Cairns they should purchase drop bear hats, something like a Chinese Coolie hat with a polished surface.
When the drop bears land on them they can't get a grip and fall to the ground.
They kindly shouted me a few beers for the very valuable advice and went thier way.
Wish I was a shopkeeper in Cairns that week.
Turist
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Reply By: Deleted User - Monday, Feb 23, 2004 at 23:58
Monday, Feb 23, 2004 at 23:58
I telephone a place in America called Zip Corvette in Mechanicsville, Virginia, to obtain spare parts for my Stingray. Such a warm feeling ordering car parts from a town called "Mechanicsville" .... The first time I spoke to them we organised a customer number which involved home address (which he looked up on a world map) Visa number etc etc. Half way through giving "Lewis" the info I just yelled "Get out you mongrel" and said to him "Hang on back in minute". Obviously when I came back he asked "Are you ok ?". I said "Yep ! It was just a big red kangaroo ...got the front door open again and was in the house and I had to "Shoo" it out ! You have to be careful Lewis, they can rip your entrails out with the big legs and they can box like Mike Tyson with the little ones. Some are over 6 feet tall ! ". He replied ..."Oh my God, I heard that ...I couldnt live in a city full of kangaroos". I just replied " You get used to it !!" Anthony Explore this Great Land ...Do it Easy ...Tow a
Bushtracker
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Reply By: Deleted User - Monday, Feb 23, 2004 at 23:59
Monday, Feb 23, 2004 at 23:59
Turist, You made me laugh LOL. Thanks everyone lets not take life too seriously Macka
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