I'm Not Sleeping Well !

Yep Anthony that's the little devil alright! And because everything's got to have a name, and the big commercial one of these we had in our shop was called "Rhonda Rancillio", this one's name is...."The Rancette". Yes...pathetic............. Just so glad to be able to have that beeeuuudiful cup of freshly ground java in da morning! Cheers...Jan O

Anthony, I wouldn't have slept very well either knowing that all these BATT crazed people would just love to find a Bushtracker unattended and hijack it!! (SquattersRightsGrin) Angie 90 sleeps to go.

Talk about an instant cure for Batts Angie !! Dont worry though I'll be doing the Papa Bear thing when I get there ....whos been sleeping in MY bed, etc !! [smile] It seems the batts affect the ladies more than the guys .... so I have the BT Boobie trapped !!!! Hahahaha !! [grin] Anthony Explore this Great Land ...Do it Easy ...Tow a Bushtracker

Wrong! BATTS is asexual. tgintl/jay

I'm not sleeping well either. Different reason though. For my birthday this year, my wife (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since playing on my Uni Rugby team 25 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. <o:p></o:p> Called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My wife seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress. <o:p></o:p> Monday: Started my day at 6:00am. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess-with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. She took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill. <o:p></o:p> She was alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but I attribute it to standing next to her in her Lycra aerobic outfit. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. <o:p></o:p> Very inspiring. <o:p></o:p> Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. <o:p></o:p> This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!! <o:p></o:p> Tuesday: I drank a whole litre of espresso, but I finally made it out the door. <o:p></o:p> Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air-then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. <o:p></o:p> I feel GREAT!! It's a whole new life for me. <o:p></o:p> Wednesday: The only way I can brush my teeth is by lying on the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. <o:p></o:p> Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. <o:p></o:p> Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. <o:p></o:p> Why would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? <o:p></o:p> Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other stuff too. <o:p></o:p> Thursday: Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late; it took me that long to tie my shoes. <o:p></o:p> Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the men's room. She sent Lars to find me, then, as punishment, put me on the rowing machine - which sank. <o:p></o:p> Friday: I hate that bitch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. <o:p></o:p> Stupid, skinny, anemic little cheerleader. If there were a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it. Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the *&%#(#&**!!@*@ barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. (Which I am sure you learned in the sadist school you attended and graduated magna cum laude from.) The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director? <o:p></o:p> Saturday: Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel. (Shut up, Anthony. You too, Jay! I'm in no mood for your notions of humour). Sunday: I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my wife (the schemer) will choose a gift for me that is fun - like a root canal or a vasectomy. In future, whenever I feel like excercise, I'm going to take that Sage's advice & have a good lie down until the feeling passes. Griff

Given my horrible recent experiences (see above) at the hands of women, I have decided to seek further input from knowlegeable BOGGERS on the formulation of the following Rules, adherence to which may have avoided my Dire Straits. THE RULES OF MANHOOD

Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss' car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
e. When she is using her teeth

Any Man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and
eaten by his mates.

Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out
of jail within 12 hours.

If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is off
limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden.
Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another
man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly
optional.

On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the
weakest.

When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may
ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's
playing.

You may be flatulent in front of a woman only after you have brought
her to climax.

If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent
entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcopop drink only when you're
sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless
supermodel... and it's free.

Only in situations of Moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to
kick another bloke in the nuts.

Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies
until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink
as much as the other sports watchers.

A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain
sober enough to fight.

Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza,
but not both - that's just mean.

If you compliment a bloke on his six-pack, you'd better be talking
about his choice of beer.

Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a Mate of yours,
>except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!
Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing:
Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an
almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than
you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.
Hang up if necessary.

The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have
carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and
guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about
what a big mistake it was.

It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for
her to drive yours.

Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime
green,orange.

The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?"
with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets a Playstation 2.
End of STORY!
Any additions or addendums welcome. I need all the protection I can get. Griff

All I can say Griff is 'AMEN' to that. And thanks a lot. My missus came in to see what I was rolling on the floor laughing about, read your message, then proceeded to call me some kind o looney (or something to that nature) and walked out shakin her head. Hope she doesn't get any ideas for my upcoming birthday

Griff, I've always admired a man who can see beyond the stunning beauty of some of the fairer sex (albeit later rather than sooner) .... I remember when I used to positively ache when spotting a great example [grin]. Now I just get the occasional twinge/cramp !!! [smile] I also admire a person who knows their limitations .... Geez !! Sit down mate !!! The boss sees this and I'll be off to the gym under the false assumption of giving her back her Adonis ! The blame will land at YOUR feet !! [smile] The ladies should know more well ..... You Cant Stop the Effects of Gravity ... Metabolism is a State of Mind ... As You Age You Get Puffed !! [grin] All this typing is making me tired I'm off for a pick-me-up .... A cappuccino, Tia Maria flavoured Tim Tam and ponder some Metaethics ... Anthony Explore this Great Land ... Do it Easy(Dont wear yourself out) ...Tow a Bushtracker

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Anthony, yeah, well, the boss saw what Griff posted, thought it was "off the wall", and posted the following rules:

"THE RULES The Female always makes 'The Rules' 'The Rules' are subject to change at any time, without prior notification. No Male can possible know all 'The Rules' If the Female suspects the Male knows all 'The Rules', she must immediatley change some, or all of 'The Rules'. The Female is Never wrong. If the Female is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the Male did or said incorrectly. The Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding. The Female may change her mind at anytime. The Male must never change his mind without the written consent of the Female. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time. The Male must remain calm at all times unless the Female wants him to be angry and/or upset. The Male is expected to be able to mind read at all times. The Male who does not abide by 'The Rules' can't take the heat, lacks backbone and is a wimp. Any attempt to document 'The Rules' could result in bodily harm. If the Female has PMS, all the rules are null and void. The Female is ready when she is ready. The Male must be ready at all times." I, then, posted my own set of rules which have been passed down from father to son for many generations - unfortunately, I have no sons, neither do you, so Griff may pass them to Joshua and Aaron. "Mens Rules

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the
rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these
are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put
it down. You can handle it. We need it up, you need it down. You
don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. 1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon. Let it be. 1. Crying is blackmail. 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one Subtle hints
do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it! 1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every
question. 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. 1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In
fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. 1. If you won't dress like the Victoria Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the
ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. 1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it
done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it
yourself. 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials. 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we. 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a
fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an
answer you don't want to hear. 1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster
trucks. 1. You have enough clothes. 1. You have too many shoes. 1. I am in shape. ROUND is a shape. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the
couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's
like camping." tgintl/jay

Yeah! Like the Real Man I once met who said that he hadn't found the Perfect Woman yet. On enquiring just what the P W was, he replied, "That's easy, one who will leave the toilet seat up for me without being asked!" I also saw him come out of a Chinese restaurant toilet once with dry hands - he obviously hadn't washed them because the wash basin was OUTSIDE the toilets in the dining area. The owner liked this, because it gave him an oportunity to berate and embarrass his patrons - men or women - who failed to stop & avail themselves of the ammenity. It was a spectator sport for those in the know. When he started in on this bloke, he hit a brick wall though, because when badgered to wash his hands, ("You wash now!") he came back, cool and forceful, "Don't be stupid! I never wash my hands after taking a leak. I wash them BEFORE I touch it!" Stunned, confused silence. What a man. Griff

Gee Griff, I thought that is what we all did! Don't you? tgintl/jay

I've always done it that way (wash then pee) ... its a northern Italian thing that my grandfather taught me !! [smile] They also dab the end with paper to stop drips ...weird huh !! Imagine trying that at any Aussie urinal ... you wouldnt get to the door !!! By the way, for the above .... I run a basic Italian household in my home .... Man in charge and three women on pedestals and worshipped .... Til I'm told different !!! [grin] Cindy does work hard for MY money though .... and I love her forever for it !!! Who says money cant buy love !!! [payRiseGrin] Anthony Explore this Great Land ...Do it Easy ...Tow a Bushtracker

Helen, just saw the latest pics for the TripnTapette. She is lovely. Not long now and you will be able to just sit back and enjoy!! Angie 84 sleeps to go.

Thanks Angie, we are very happy with the way our van is shaping up. Can't wait till our handover .... We are gratefull to Bushtracker David (1st 2 pics) and Steven T from BTi for the later shots. Agata had taken an earlier internal shot of the cabinetary which highlighted a minor change necessary and it was done immediately - no problems... BTi have been great. I'm sure BTi will keep you in the loop too - its certainly exciting at build time. Cheers, Helen