Something to offend everyone!

Submitted: Tuesday, Oct 25, 2005 at 20:50
ThreadID: 122300 Views:3180 Replies:3 FollowUps:0
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Be out of touch for a while - crawling down the West Coast of WA trying to stay in the 30 - 34 degree temperature band.... Ah! Bogging is the life!

Thougth I would post this amusing email I recieved recently...

SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE



What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag.

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.


What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room together?
100 people who don't do dick.

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs.

What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes.

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog! is still excited to see you.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade.
Who has the biggest boobs?
The blonde, because she's 18.

What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"

What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.

Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo."

What's the Cuban National Anthem?
"Row, Row, Row Your Boat"

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.

What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.

What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe."

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F... word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..."
A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this bleep ..."

Have a good day..

GB and the Dragon





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Reply By: Bushtracker - Wednesday, Oct 26, 2005 at 00:42

Wednesday, Oct 26, 2005 at 00:42
Hello GB and D,
From da Ranger,

You can sure tell you are from the Bush, two things stand out in large obvious proportions.... Firstly, you are practical down to your toes, in the way you handle things... And Secondly, from your last Posting here, you are anything but "Politically Correct".... I really loved your Posting, and it is good to have a laugh... I even called in Tracy and went through it... You could never get away with any of it in the Big Smoke, full of "gone Leftists", in fact I will be surprised if you do not catch some Flak for it there on the Forum... But in an age of sickening over done Leftist Political Correctness, it is refreshing to see some Bushies have a good dig at the whole thing.... Even love the Title, Ha! LOL......

I put this comment to you on the Owners Forum, and then had a second thought, and have put it here as well....
Regards from an anything but Politically Correct Ranger... Have a laugh world, lighten up, drink more than just one glass of wine, sit out under the stars and laugh at us all..... Ha!
AnswerID: 567344

Reply By: schommys - Friday, Oct 28, 2005 at 02:05

Friday, Oct 28, 2005 at 02:05
Hi Grumblebum and Dragon,

Reading you jokes made it worthwhile turning the computer on! Best laugh I've had all day.I'll show my better half when she gets home.
Redards AL.
AnswerID: 567345

Reply By: Rockgoc - Friday, Oct 28, 2005 at 20:03

Friday, Oct 28, 2005 at 20:03
Hope we get to meet you one day fella! We like you already!
If you get to Kal, feel free to look us up for a coldie.
Cheers from Easy & Jan O
AnswerID: 567346

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