OLD TIMERS BAR

Submitted: Friday, Oct 22, 2010 at 20:03
ThreadID: 126965 Views:3766 Replies:4 FollowUps:0
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Old Timers Bar

Four old retired guys are walking down a street in Port Macquarie, Australia .
They turned a corner and see a sign that says, 'Old Timers Bar - all
drinks 10 cents.? They look at each other, and then go in, thinking this
Is too good to be true.


The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, 'Come on
in and let me pour one for you!


What'll it be, Gentlemen?'


There seemed to be a fully-stocked bar, so each of the men ask for a
martini.. In short order, the bartender serves up four iced martinis....shaken,

not stirred, and says, 'That'll be 10 cents each, please.'


The four men stare at the bartender for a moment.

Then look at each other...they can't believe their good luck.


They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round.

Again, four excellent martinis are produced with the bartender again
saying, 'That's 40 cents, please..' They pay the 40 cents, but their
curiosity is more than they can stand.


They have each had two martinis and so far they've spent less than a dollar.


Finally one of the men says, 'How can you afford to serve martinis as good
as these for a 10 cents each?'


'I'm a retired tailor from Sydney,' the bartender said, 'and I always
wanted to own a bar.? Last year I hit the Lottery for $25 million and
decided to open this place.

Every drink costs ten cents - wine, liquor, beer, it's all the same.'


Wow!!!! That's quite a story,' says one of the men.


The four of them sipped at their martinis and couldn't help but notice
seven other people at the end of the bar who didn't have drinks in front
of them, and hadn't ordered anything the whole time they were there.


One man gestures at the seven at the end of the bar without drinks and
asks the bartender, 'What's with them?'


The bartender says, 'Oh, they're all old retired farts with Bushtracker caravans from the caravan park waiting for happy hour when drinks are half price.

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Reply By: Bushtucker Man - Friday, Oct 22, 2010 at 21:30

Friday, Oct 22, 2010 at 21:30
Hi Ern,

I love it, post some more!!!!!!!!!!

Cheers.
AnswerID: 581377

Reply By: Grumblebum & Dragon - Friday, Oct 22, 2010 at 22:52

Friday, Oct 22, 2010 at 22:52
Two Irishmen arrived in London from their homeland. Walking around the shops they see a shop with a big sign in the window 'Suits $5.00 Shirts $1.00' "Wow! thats really cheap" they exclaim.

They hatch a plan to pool their money and buy as many suits and shirts as possible to take back to ireland and sell them for a huge profit.

Paddy walks in and says "I'll take 50 of the $5.00 suits and 100 of the $1.00 shirts please. The shop attendant eyed up Paddy and said "You are Irish - aren't you?" "Oh how did you figure that out" said Paddy - "is it me accent?"

"No" said the attendent. "This as a Dry Cleaner's".

AnswerID: 581378

Reply By: B & T with BT - Saturday, Oct 23, 2010 at 05:52

Saturday, Oct 23, 2010 at 05:52
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Grandpa and the Australian Taxation Office

The ATO decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to their office.

The auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his lawyer.

The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the ATO finds that believable.'

I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?'

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'

Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.'

The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.

Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.'

Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's lawyer as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.

But Grandpa's own lawyer moans and puts his head in his hands.

'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.

'Not really,' says the lawyer. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!'

Don't Mess with Old People!



AnswerID: 581379

Reply By: F Troop - Sunday, Oct 24, 2010 at 18:14

Sunday, Oct 24, 2010 at 18:14
Claude the hypnotist was entertaining the Senior Citizens.
"I'm here to put you into a trance," he said " I will hypnotize each and every one of you."
He withdrew a beautiful antique watch from his pocket.

"Keep your eyes on this antique watch" he said. "It is very special, and has been in my family for six generations."
He began to swing the watch gently back and forth, chanting "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch".
The old people became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface.
Every eye followed the swaying watch, until suddenly it slipped from the hypnotist's finger and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.



" bleep !' said the hypontist.

It took three days to clean up the Senior Citizens' Centre. Claude was never asked back to entertain.
AnswerID: 581380

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